after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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