you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
