What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
