i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
