True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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