Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
only you would photoshop your dick
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
