I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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