Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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