dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
