i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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