3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
