I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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