guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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