It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
