Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
