I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
