im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
