hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
