I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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