I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
