i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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