kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
