I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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