Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
