are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
