On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
