She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
