And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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