we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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