So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
