You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just found puke in my bra..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
