so that wasnt chicken after all
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
