we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
