I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
