Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
