Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
