You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
