No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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