Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
