yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
