her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize