Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
