I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
