And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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