My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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