...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
