so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I came so hard my ears popped.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
