YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
