kristin has been a bad kristin
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
