I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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