I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
