i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
