Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
