Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The air was thick with penises
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
