I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
