OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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