he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
