I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
