is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
