member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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