Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
