My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
