I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Come share oat with me in your robe
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