I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
