Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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