at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
