I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
