the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
