He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize