I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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