I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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