Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
