Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
