Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
