I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
