Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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